The Gift
by Foxiscully
Summary: Shuurei reasons with her feelings after announcing she was leaving the Royal Harem after 3 months there. Shuurei x Ryuuki


The Gift

Seiran was right.

Ryuuki was upset with my announcement to leave the palace.

I could see it on his face as he slowly walked into the harem tonight.

Instead of his shy, cheerful or cheeky self, a dejected, sad person walked in instead.

He did not even bring me any gift like he usually did.

A bunch of roses, a bottle of sake (no doubt to get me drunk and have his ways with me), a hairpin, even a song that he would serenade on his way into the bed chambers.

But not tonight. Tonight he looked forlorn, like a lost puppy.

I did not know what to do, really, for I feel like how he looked.

I did not really want to leave the palace, truth be told. I have not enjoyed myself this much before this past three months.

The pampering was a little claustrophobic, but the learning, the archives, the rich tapestry of culture, all my new acquaintances whom I could safely call friends now, the beautiful gardens and most of all him.

It was partly his fault actually.

I was getting a little to used to him lately - his incessant wit, his sometimes quiet demeanor, his constant childish yet cute behaviour, his admirable strength, his surprising intelligence and his addictive gentleness.

And of course, no one could argue with his devastatingly beautiful looks. Those blond locks and dazzling brown eyes were just to die for.

After my abduction and during my recovery from the poison attempt, he hovered over me like a mother hen; but never once taking advantage of my invalidness.

Two days after I first recovered from my poison attack, I woke in the middle of the night to find him asleep on the floor with his head on the bed clutching my hand. Tear stains clearly marring his beautiful face.

I woke him up gently and pulled him to sleep beside me on the bed, surprising not only him, but myself as well.

That night we slept, holding on to each other as if afraid that the other would vanish if either one of us was to let go.

That morning, I woke up with a start and alarmed at where my heart was going.

Somehow, I felt the feelings I was slowly developing for him were wrong. Why exactly, I did not know.

It could be because of our different social standing. No doubt I came from a powerful clan, but my father and I were not exactly at the top of the Kou clan's money bin structure.

It could also be the fact that I was not pretty enough; the fact that I was actually brought to entice the Emperor to take up his responsibilities as leader of the nation and not to perform the actual role of a concubine; the fact that I needed So Taisho's payment to help rebuild the town's school; or it could be because of the fact that we were both still young and needed to grow up first.

There were countless reasons and none that was really strong enough. But cumulatively, somehow it felt right for me to leave at this juncture.

So, when I told him I was leaving in three days time, I was quite disappointed when he appeared nonchalant and spoke of going to the gardens instead.

But like Seiran hinted, that was Ryuuki's way of dealing with his sadness.

Maybe that was why I paid a lot of attention getting ready for bed tonight, trying to look my best for him. We only had a few days till I leave, so I had to make the most of whatever time we had left. Even if I made a fuss of him holding me or sharing my bed at nights – which he had save the first three weeks I was here, the few nights when I went home with Ran Ryuuyen and during my abduction - I actually enjoyed having his arms around me.

Thus, since he just stared down towards the floor and refused to say anything, I slowly steered him towards the bed. After serving him a cup of tea, I sat down beside him and picked up the erhu to while him to sleep.

I played all his favourite songs until I felt myself slowly dozing off.

Then, I felt his strong hand on my upper arm, circling me from behind, while the other slowly lowering the erhu onto the floor.

He guided me to lie beside him.

Not trusting to say a word, I just stared into his eyes, trying to read his thoughts.

It was funny that even with his inclinations towards men, he seemed to display a strong sense of sexual interest in me. Or maybe I was just reading his actions to appease my own raging feelings towards him.

Nonetheless, I just followed his lead, totally unsure of what to expect from him that night. But he just held me, just as he did the night after my recovery from the poisoning.

With my head tucked under his chin and rested on his chest, I could not help but to wrap my own arms around him too.

I felt him rain kisses on my head and on my temple. And then, I felt him sobbing silent tears in my hair, as we both fell into disturbed slumbers.

I was wrong, I thought as I tightened my hold on him. He did bring me a gift tonight.

He gave me the gift of his heart.


End file.
